Killer dolphins on the loose after Hurricane Katrina
September 27, 2005 
Just when you thought Kanye West saying, “George Bush hates black people,” on the NBC telethon was the most unexpected story in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, there’s killer dolphins on the loose.
That is, US military-trained sharks with frickin’ lasers on their heads a la Austin Powers dolphins taught to shoot terrorists with dart guns are swimming around the Gulf of Mexico after Hurricane Katrina damaged their evil laboratory holding tanks. No, really!
Armed and dangerous - Flipper the firing dolphin let loose by Katrina:
It may be the oddest tale to emerge from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.
Experts who have studied the US navy’s cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying ‘toxic dart’ guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet’s smartest. The US navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing.
Dolphins have been trained in attack-and-kill missions since the Cold War. The US Atlantic bottlenose dolphins have apparently been taught to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels. Their coastal compound was breached during the storm, sweeping them out to sea. But those who have studied the controversial use of dolphins in the US defence programme claim it is vital they are caught quickly.
Besides this story essentially being ripped from the Austin Powers movie and Dr. Evil’s plot to take over the world with sharks outfitted with lasers, weren’t the group of dolphins that were set free by Hurricane Katrina after spending some time in a saltwater-converted swimming pool eventually recovered from the Gulf? Didn’t I hear that on the news? Or were the dart gun dolphins actually a second group of dolphins set free?
And, more importantly, which terrorists are the military targetting with dart gun-shooting dolphins in the first place?
Wait, there are poison dart dolphins on the loose? What is going on here?!?!
[via 1115.org]
