Welcome to CityCynic.com’s Liveblogging of the 80th Annual Academy Awards! Come along with me for a journey through the show that almost never happened with writers… and by all means, refresh this page as the show goes on to see what I have to say!
Tonight’s host is none other than Jon Stewart from The Daily Show. “The bitter (Writers’ Strike) war is over. So, tonight, tonight, welcome to the make-up sex.”
More Stewart: “Even Norbit got a nomination, which I think is great. Too often, the Academy ignores movies that aren’t good.”
And also: “The Oscar is 80 this year, which makes him now, automatically, the front runner for the Republican nomination.”
Jennifer Garner looks amazing in a long black gown, as she presents the Oscar for Achievement in Costume Design to Alexandra Byrne for Elizabeth the Golden Age. Wow, a 10 second acceptance speech, nice.
George Clooney shakily introduces an 80 years of Oscar clip montage that includes many memorable and wacky (Wait. When did a monkey attend the Oscars?) moments. Wow, an old Charlie Chaplin is in there too. I never saw him when he wasn’t silent and in black-and-white. Interesting.
Jon Stewart is back, watching Lawrence of Arabia on an iPhone.
Anne Hathaway and Steve Carell come onto the stage to the Get Smart theme song to present the Oscar for Best Animated Feature to Ratatouille. Brad Bird thanks his junior high guidance counselor for asking him what he wanted to do when he grew up… and then when he said he wanted to make movies, asked him again what he wanted to do when he grew up.
Katherine Heigl nervously comes onto the stage, looking amazingly beautiful in a red dress, to present the Oscar for Achievement in Makeup to La Vie en Rose.
Jon Stewart is back to sing the theme from Enchanted, called “Happy Working Song.” No wait, Amy Adams is here to sing it, whew. It’s a cute song, but to see an actual person singing in a cartoon voice is just a little freaky.
Jon Stewart tells us that the actors “sit around making catty comments about the outfits you all are wearing at home. That’s right, it goes both ways, people!”
Duane Johnson, who dropped the “Rock” apparently, isn’t quite over that melting guy in Raiders of the Lost Ark that traumatized him as a kid, presented the Oscar for Achievement in Visual Effects to The Golden Compass, which is cool beacuse I thought those fighting bears looked pretty real.
Cate Blanchett presents the Oscar for Achievement in Art Direction to Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Its pretty impressive to hear the winners walking up to that scary theme from the movie.
Jon Stewart is back to fawn over Cate Blanchett, who “cannot be stopped!” Then he flips us over to a montage of Best Supporting Actor Oscar winners of the past.
Jennifer Hudson can’t read cue cards so well, but nonetheless presents the Oscar for Supporting Actor to Javier Bardem for No Country for Old Men. Bardem ran up the stairs really fast and spoke fast about how he appreciated the Coen brothers for believing he could play the role and for putting him in “the worst haircut in history.” He thanked his mother, who was watching from the crowd, in Spanish and she shed joys of tear for her son’s win. Now that’s the magic of the Oscars!
Jon Stewart agrees with me that Javier Bardem’s speech was a certifiable Oscar moment. And then he shows us what the show would have been like if the writer’s hadn’t come back. There’s “An Oscar Salute to Binoculars and Periscopes.” “Thank God we didn’t have to show that.” Next we get to see the “Bad Dreams: An Oscar Salute” montage. Eh, pretty weak joke that carried on too long. Blah.
Hey, there’s Keri Russell (TV’s Felicity!) to introduce another theme song presentation from the movie August Rush, called “Raise It Up,” featuring a Harlem choir, complete with church patrons sitting in pews, who were also singing. A very moving performance.
Owen Wilson (whoa, he’s back?) presents the Oscar for Best Live Action Short Film to Les Mozart Des Pickpockets. The filmmaker doesn’t really speak much English, but he still was pretty good getting through his acceptance speech, if you ask me.
And now that bee (Jerry Seinfeld) from Bee Movie presented the Oscar for Best Animated Short Film to Peter and the Wolf. The winners brought up a model of Peter from the short up to the microphone.
Then we have a montage of Best Supporting Actresses throught the years, which was pretty interesting.
Alan Arkin presents the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress to Tilda Swinton for Michael Clayton. Swinton wished Happy Birthday to the Oscar statue in her hand and then said she’ll be giving her award to her agent for bringing her to America in the first place. Then she thanked her co-star George Clooney for his dedication to his work from “climbing into that Batman costume, the one with the nipples” to “hanging upside down” on the set… or something like that.
The “Always Fantastic” Jessica Alba tells us that she got stuck presenting the Technical Oscars this year and offers us a boring recap. Let’s hear it for the winners…
Jon Stewart picks up on Jessica Alba and Cate Blanchett’s pregnancies, but the night is still young, plus Jack Nicholson is here, so “maybe we should re-tally at the end of the night.”
Josh Brolin and James McAvoy presents the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay to the Coen brothers for No Country for Old Men.
The President of the Academy is talking. I’m gonna get some more chips and something to drink. Be right back.
Jon Stewart thought the look into the process of Oscar voting was amazing. “Interesting, I always thought it was superdelegates.”
Miley Cyrus read the provided text super fast to introduce another nominated song from Enchanted, “That’s How You Know,” sung by Kristen Chenoweth. The Oscars became a Broadway musical for a couple of minutes, including the gayest-looking dancing construction workers ever!
Jon Stewart is back with a pregnancy joke. “And the baby goes too… Angelina Jolie!”
Dame Judy Dench and Halle Berry are announced to present, but then Seth Rogen and that guy from Superbad Jonah Hill came out and fought over which one is Dame Judy and which was Halle Berry. They present the Oscar for Achievement in Sound Editing to The Bourne Ultimatum.
Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill also presented the Oscar for Achievement in Sound Mixing to The Bourne Ultimatum. Come on, everyone knows fixing the sounds transforming robots make is much harder than mixing the sounds Matt Damon makes. That’s a no-brainer.
And let’s look back at Best Actresses from the past. Whoa, old women actually once looked young! Neat. Oh, and the memorable Halle Berry win, of course.
Forrest Whittaker (what a weird looking, yet excellent actor!) presents the Oscar for Best Actress in a Leading Role to Marion Cotillard for La Vie en Rose. “You’ve rocked my life. You’ve truly rocked my life!” “Thank you life, thank you love! And it is true, there are some angels in this city. Thank you so much.” Finally, a winner who was truly shocked at having won the award. Nice.
Jon Stewart gets caught playing Wii Tennis on the gigantic movie-theater sized screen.
Colin Farrell slides out to the podium to introduce the next Oscar-nominated movie theme song performance of the night from Once, The Little Movie that Could, called “Falling Slowly,” sung by the stars of the film in front of a wall covered in all sorts of guitars.
Jack Nicholson “loves the movies” and introduces a montage of the 79 Best Pictures of the past.
Renee Zellwegger (how do people not find her voice annoying?) presented the Oscar for Achievement in Film Editing to Christopher Rouse for The Bourne Ultimatum. Rouse’s father won an Oscare 48 years ago. Bourne Ultimatum is 3-for-3 tonight!
Jon Stewart has returned to cool off the conductor and Oscar orchestra with a pocket fan.
“According to IMDB, our next presenter is the star of the 2010 Untitled Nicole Kidman Project. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Nicole Kidman.” Kidman, encrusted in jewels, presented an Honorary Oscar to 98-year-old former Production Designer Robert Boyle. Very interesting man with a great perspective on the movie business.
Jon Stewart welcomes us back from commercial to tell us that due to a small technical glitch, they’re going to have to restart the show. He was just kidding, don’t worry.
The always amazing Penelope Cruz presented the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film to the Austrian film The Counterfeiters.
The “versatile and handsome” Patrick Dempsey introduced another nominated song performance, again from Enchanted, “So Close.”
John Travolta comes out of the Enchanted set ballroom dancing up to the podium to present the Oscar for Original Song to Glenn Hansard and Marketa Irglova for “Falling Slowly” from Once: “What are we doing here… this is mad!”
Jon Stewart has a quick announcement to “the owner of a Boeing 707 with California plates, parked on La Brea — your landing lights are on” and John Travolta comes running across the stage. Cause he flies a plane that he parks in his driveway, folks.
Jon Stewart brings out Marketa Irglova, who just won for Original Song, but got cut off by the cut-off orchestra music to be able to give her acceptance speech. Wow, classy of Jon to let her come back on stage and speak.
Cameron Diaz (still hot!) presents the Oscar for Cinematography to Robert Elswit for There Will Be Blood.
Hillary Swank introduces the montage to the moviemakers and actors we’ve lost this past year. I don’t recognize any of them except Heath Ledger, though.
Amy Adams presents the Oscar for Best Original Score to Atonement.
Tom Hanks introduces Iraqi military members in Baghdad who present the Oscar for Best Documentary Short Subject to Cynthia Wade and Vanessa Roth for Freeheld.
Hanks is back to present the Oscar for Best Documentary Feature (with a quick reference to Obama possibly with “hope, yes, at last, hope”) to Taxi to the Dark Side. Darn, I wanted Michael Moore to win for Sicko!
“Either an internationally-acclaimed movie star or a car dealership” Harrison Ford presents the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay to Diablo Cody for Juno. She dedicates her award to the writers and thanks her family “for loving me just the way I am.”
And now a montage of Best Actors over the years.
Helen Mirren presents the Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role to Daniel Day-Lewis for There Will Be Blood. “My deepest thanks to the members of the Academy, for whacking me with the handsomest bludgeon in town.”
And now a montage of Best Directors over the years.
Martin Scorcese presents the Oscar for Achievement in Directing to Joel and Ethan Coen for No Country for Old Men.
Denzel Washington, who shaved his head, but not his chin, for some reason, presents the Oscar for Best Motion Picture to No Country for Old Men.
And that concludes the 80th Annual Academy Awards! See you for more liveblogging next year!