The Gamers’ Manifesto
June 1, 2005 
If you’ve ever played a video game, then you’ve got to read the Gamers’ Manifesto.
The manifesto is subtitled “20 things gamers want from the seventh generation of game consoles.”
And I’ll personally buy you a PlayStation 3* if you don’t identify with at least 5 of them. The points are right on all the way through the list (which won’t make sense without the accompanying explanations):
- Give us A.I. that will actually outsmart us now and then.
- Give us a genre of game we’ve never seen before.
- Don’t bullshit me about your graphics.
- Nipples?
- And on the opposite side of the nipple coin…
- All of the new consoles will have hard drives. Use them.
- Loading…
- I understand that John Madden was raised by wild boars…
- Immersion and the invisible hand of God.
- And while we’re at it…
- And while we’re still at it…
- Don’t bullshit us on the difficulty
- Don’t bullshit us on the game’s features
- Seriously, get rid of the crates
- Stop the Short-Sighted Business Bullshit
- Don’t use the online capability as an excuse to release broken games
- Don’t let other features distract from gaming
- Don’t use online play as an excuse to bleed us dry
- NO MORE JUMPING PUZZLES IN FPS GAMES
- Horizontal consoles have been a curse for as long as gaming has been around. I’m not playing another game until I get a machine I can stand on its side.
I just wish video game makers read the list and make some changes.
All of those things mentioned are setbacks to game play that have been passed from generation to generation of video games console like the recessive gene for baldness. Don’t think video game makers wouldn’t cure baldness if they could… so why not rid the world of stupid video game setbacks?
And the Nintendo consoles graph should teach everyone a lesson, I think. Plus, the phrase “on the other side of the nipple coin” was used properly in a sentence in the manifesto. Now that makes you think.
*Just kidding about buying you a PS3. Heh.
